The Consciousness Has Shifted...The Awakening Has Begun
I'll try not to make this sound like venting. It's a fact, my whole like I've been depressed, but I tried to keep my head up and went through ups and downs and I'm still alive and function well. That well that people are shocked when I admit I'm depressed.
In past, I used to drink to numb the pain and did all wrong destructive things to try to survive this. I'm clean now. Talking to psychologists didn't help. Having many good friends didn't too. Doing what I love doesn't solve it neither. I exercise and eat healthy. I spend time in nature. I meditate. I tried serving others. My living circumstances are good and I'm grateful and humble. I don't want to travel. I rejected many material things. I don't have desires and I'm fine with just being. I need a little.
I haven't written here for months because I tried to help myself by reading and practising energy work and things you talk about on this site. But like everything I've tried before, it only worked for me for a short time. I was excited how I discovered something new and now I don't have interest in it anymore. Actually, it felt exhausting to do so much and try so hard, so I just needed to let it all go.
I've lost everything I've ever believed in and now there's nothing. It's like I'm done, I don't want to search anymore, but for some reason I'm still here. I don't belong, like I don't have a home. I'm disconnected, dissociated and everything nice I do is just a distraction from feeling horrible inside. I don't know anything. I feel fake all the time. I try to stay positive and accept everything. Or I try to be an activist and fight evil. Either way, I feel the same and the world is the same.
It's like I'm trapped in this physical body and in this dimension. The only times I feel ok is when I sleep, dream or go astral. But it's so temporary and I can't escape this prison life on earth is, globally. I tried changing my perception, but that is just deceiving myself. I don't think suicide is a solution, but how can I feel better? It's like I'm waiting to die, just how much longer of this nonsense. Only thing I haven't tried are antidepressants, for reasons you probably know, but should I? Where do I go from here?
Hey i can't say much expect that if you need to talk i'm here alright?
I feel what you're going through is sorta of an internal dissatisfaction..That's because i feel you haven't reconnected with your soul yet.I used to feel that way too..like nothing had meaning and that if i changed my perception it would mean i'm lying to myself...But then i discovered my soul and i realized that life is perception and perception is dictates by our thoughts/emotions.The reality you perceive is the reality you'll live.
The thing is now vala,I'd suggest doing meditation?Keep doing it until you connect with your higher self/Soul..
Listen,inbox me and let me do a meditation exercise with you.I feel it'll help you quite a bit.If you feel drawn do inbox me.
If not you're free to inbox me if you want to talk too :)
use mantras. don't just listen to them. speaking them will help you.
depression can also have natural reason, someone left you, parents, partner,
anyone important to you. or this situation re-appears.
humans don't wait for the day, they die. they just wait for the day, where
we start to live. some already do. lucky ones.
Depression is a frequent visitor to the alienated and or wounded. With out stating depression is a natural awareness to a lack of. It is in the identification of a lack perceivable remedy. Depression like pain is there telling you to change your environment. It is in your power to bring about recipe by directing your focus to the needed change, be it location or acceptance of life’s cycles. One other indirect effective way to relieve some depression and wows is to, help others with their wows, creating an air of help and kinship. There are the times when we can help or are only helped by a caring shoulder to lean on. The wearing effect sustained depression is no place to linger. In any practical approach to changing the depression is to identify the source. Accept it as being as is, then own it. For it is only you and your charge of control. Things may still be depressing at this stage of the cycle, but now you can focus on the path forward from this point. Take new footing to you path of change and growth. And take to heart that you are never alone, only lonely thoughts. For deep inside, feeling with the most inner being, you know we are with you! We are living threads of the whole! We know how special your fiber can be!
I would like to share an article I wrote in the past. Maybe it could help you:
if you change your mind/consciousness then you will change yourself. Ibogaine does this. i dont know where you live but its available in Mexico
One thing my astrologer (David Pond) taught me is that we don't have to use the concepts of "up" or "down" for our moods. Instead, we can say "Outer" and "Inner." That is, sometimes we move into the outer world, where we enjoy that interaction with others. Other times, we need to delve into our inner world, and explore our inner self. At those times, others might think we are "depressed," but really, we just need to be with ourselves, until we again feel like going back "out" again! ;-)
Here's an article I wrote about "Healing for Starseeds." Maybe you can get some ideas that would work for you:
"I think therefore I am" is a powerful statement that has aided me. People are often surprised that I too live with a mild, yet permanent form of depression. It shall remain with me unto my dying day, and accepting the truth of that statement has liberated me. In knowing that I CAN live through depression, and that I CAN still find a detached form of inner peace/serenity I can accept depression as something I must endure.
The separation from our cosmic selves, and relatives truly does leave its own painful mark. When the pain gets bad force your mind to recall the MOST PAINFUL MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE, and remind yourself that you are still standing despite that pain. Whatever you must endure you are CAPABLE of enduring. The fact that you KNOW you are depressed shows that you CARE about yourself.
Remember how much you obviously do love yourself, and know that regardless of the boundaries set by particle living you will ALWAYS be connected to your celestial fellows. You are never alone or unloved.
I have been there and I feel like this might be a struggle for me in the years to come as well. But I now have better tools for dealing with it, so it doesn't get too bad and usually after a few days of feeling 'numb', I feel myself and happy again.
What helped me most was connecting to my true self through meditation and while meditating asking for guidance. It made me realize that I am not alone (although my physical self is alone in the sense that I don't have others like me around) and that I can connect with others in different ways. Getting closer to my true self made me realize that I have a mission here on earth and I have work to do. Sometimes it's hard, but most of the time while doing that work I start feeling better.
I don't know if you have figured out your mission yet, I'm sure you believe there must be a reason you're here, so if you can go look for it :) If you're not sure how or what to do, just sit in silence, meditate and ask for guidance. It will come to you. Sometimes it takes a while for you to get clear on what it is and that's OK.
Good luck, I hope some of the advice on here resonates with you.
Everything your words and soul share with suggests that the depression you are constantly dealing with isn't yours. This is a very common problem for people who are extremely sensitive to the sea of emotional energy all around them.
I have suffered with myself for my whole life so I can understand just how painful and difficult this is to deal with, especially if we aren't aware of it even happening and thus cannot fully prepare for it. Like you I would go through all self help remedies for overcoming my own depression, yet usually to no avail. The reason why? No amount of my exercising or living healthy could solve my neighbor or room-mates depression.
For me the key has been figuring out how to recognize, accept, and take ownership of my thoughts and emotions at all times. This isn't always easy, especially at first, but does make recognizing which emotions are ours and which aren't easier. When I feel the weight of depression sit on me and I know it isn't mine I am able to find the source and see if there is anything I can do to ease our suffering.
As for antidepressants, I wouldn't recommend then except as a very last resort. Many empaths I have met in life like to use the natural antidepressant properties of cannabis to help them cope.