Reuniting Humanity With Their Divinity...It's Time
Ever since my psychotic breakdown I have been trying to understand why the Divine would put me through this hell. I literally had to take two years of my life where I have been dependent on my parents under the diagnosis of schizophrenia. I haven't worked (when I tried I failed miserably, but mainly because the work setting didn't suit my mental health needs), I owe enormous sums of money to student loan companies, I don't drive,my application to graduate school was rejected and I felt like I was worthless, just wasting away...
Except I wasn't. I was healing. I was learning about and overcoming my mental illness. This past month has been a transition of various degrees and led to the moment where I finally get it. I needed this time to heal and spiritually find myself again. If I had worked, I wouldn't have found the time. Or maybe I would have, but it would have taken longer for me. I finally know what it means to love thyself. It isn't ego centered, it is heart centered living. All this time I thought, maybe if I do this I will be more successful. Or I do what those people are doing I would develop self-esteem. Now I realize loving yourself isn't about trying to change yourself for others, its about accept yourself as you are in that moment.
So maybe I do rock back and forth while I'm sitting most of the time, but that doesn't mean its a bad habit. Its just part of who I am. I accept this and no longer feel I need to change (because my efforts to change this subconscious habit have failed). So I am schizophrenic, but that need not keep me from finding work, I just need a work environment where I can thrive. There are so many imperfections about me but today, I realized, I love myself in spite of them.
I'm not against change. I'm still in the process, but I feel more awake, more aware and more alive then I have felt in a long long time. And its because I found this website and began exploring what Starseeds are. From there everything just opened up for me. I feel closer to the Divine and divine love than I have ever felt. Because I AM divine love in motion. If I am an expression of God, then it makes sense to say I am God, or He/She wouldn't be within me. And the good news? I was told by my highest manifestation (a Seraph named Aesephore, now you get my screen name ;) ) that there were only a few lessons left for my soul to learn. And one of them is compassion and I think the other is self-love. As I have beat up and abused myself for years I now can open my eyes and love myself. I feel light vibrating throughout my body and I know I came here for a reason. I'm not going to give up my dreams just because I have a serious mental illness. I am love, and when I am in the profession where I'm helping others, I will be even more love.
Thank you for reading this. Many of you have been kind enough to point me in the right direction whenever I had a question. And some of you have accepted me just as I am no matter how crazy I felt at times. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me, and nudging me toward enlightenment. I feel like I've come home.