years ago i decided to dare to look critically into the mirror because i knew i would never grow without walk my talk !
.....i forced myself to accept all aspects of my shadow self, the good the bad the very very ugly...
to forgive myself for these things, knowing that they stemmed from my background ( this life or past lives),
but that anything going forward would be because I chose it !

This helped me let recognise, and to work seriously hard to let go, of things that i learned were born out of ego or pride, or past recognise that rages and grudges were rooted in these....
then to embrace and accept my "dark" thoughts, to channel them or to release them as being no longer needed...
to deeper understand rather than fear the melancholy beauty of Life-Death-Rebirth ( the frequent visits from my late father helped reinforce the Truth for me, of the never-ending cycle) fact, i think it even opened me up more for the next phases of development, and being able to tap into "spirit" better in meditation and telepathic messages.
then, when Ekate came to me with the death/rebirth then Gatekeeper Task, i was more or less ready.

i could breather more freely.....even daily life is so much simpler when we don't take things personally and let them slide off our backs, since ego is no longer such a huge parasite. It never goes away, we do have to retain a certain amount of pride, and we are still ( mostly) human, but we will have better judgement and we can discard the chaff.

with love, addy

please do check out the whole article, i pray it helps some people sort things out.....

Shadow Self: Embracing Your Inner Darkness

by Mateo Sol


Thus, the dark shadow traits that we all possess accumulate in the corners of our unconscious minds, never becoming adequately integrated into our conscious minds because we never see our split state in the first place (due to our psychological ‘defence mechanisms‘). And so we continue on accumulating these dark desires, motivations and fears.

This can be dangerous. Through observing many of our soulwork students for example, I’ve come across certain individuals who have allowed their Shadow Selves to accumulate for so long that they’ve erupted and overpowered the person through depression or an unconscious accident that ended up manifesting their inner “Monsters“. This can lead to physical, emotional, psychological and interpersonal consequences that can last for a very long time......................
................................Basically, the repression of our negative traits or emotions in society is one of the biggest barriers in any persons journey towards Self-Loveand living authentically. How can you completely and whole-heartedly accept who you are if there are sides of yourself that you’re too afraid to explore?
Don’t get me wrong, the idea of the “Shadow Self” doesn’t only apply to psychology. Many ancient Shamanic teachings, including the ones I was taught in, involved the preparation towards an illness or a spiritual death (by ascending into your own darkness or “Shadow Self”), and being reborn in an attempt to provide you with the experience and insight to heal yourself and bring that healing wisdom to the people of your tribe.

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Facing our own Shadow is difficult, yes, and an ongoing task. For me, it never ends. And yet, it can be a strong part of a positive path! Here are some of my thoughts and quotes about this vital work:

Love and accept your worst parts and you will express your true self easily. Reject and repress your worst traits and it’s gonna be hard. (Charles Clayton)

According to my path, the Shadow is a great source of instinctive and primal energy. It's like the "Strength" card in the Tarot...the Lion and the Lady, or the Fighters. One needs to tame the lion, or (alternatively) defeat the shadow....and then one can have that energy at one's command. One classic story is of Robin Hood and Little John....Robin Hood must fight Little John, Even though Little John wins the fight, he admires Robin's spirit, and decides to follow him.

The Shadow is connected to the untamed part of ourselves. My Shadow contains all the behaviors mentioned above by others....and lots more. I have a LOT of Shadow....ha ha! Laziness, meanness, judgementalism, hatred, prejudice, greed, self-loathing....I have practiced all these from time to time. Lechery, thievery, lieing, slander....yes. Treachery....I stopped there. That's one place my shadow will not reach, thank the powers that be.

"The Brighter the Light, the Bigger the Shadow." :-) ...and the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

"Beneath the social mask we wear every day, we have a hidden shadow side: an impulsive, wounded, sad, or isolated part that we generally try to ignore. The Shadow can be a source of emotional richness and vitality, and acknowledging it can be a pathway to healing and an authentic life. We meet our dark side, accept it for what it is, and we learn to use its powerful energies in productive ways. The Shadow knows why good people sometimes do "bad" things. Romancing the Shadow and learning to read the messages it encodes in daily life can deepen your consciousness, imagination, and soul."

from "Romancing the Shadow," by Connie Zwieg, PhD., and Steve Wolf, PhD.

I kind of invented a way of SEEING my shadow. As I looked in the Mirror, I saw myself and hated the way I looked. I traced those images of my own self-loathing to two main places/times. The first was Puberty, when my own mother shamed me for my body changes and tried to make me look like something SHE wanted to be. I gave that HATEFUL IMAGE of myself a name.

The second place/time was when I started looking OLD. Though I was proud of myself for "getting this far," I also hated the way my body seemed to be betraying me. I also gave this HATEFUL IMAGE a name.

I honored each HATEFUL IMAGE with an altar. After I did this, I realized each IMAGE had great POWER. The Puberty-Me gave me power that protected me from my mother's negative judgement. (And so a new Image of myself was born....the teenage ME that was strong, vital, fierce, and free! I gave this NEW Image of me a name and honored it.)

The OLD-Me gave me power of being outside of the social scene of having to conform and prove oneself as "just one of the everyday people." It gave me the freedom of being wild, crazy, and just having fun without worrying about what people thought of me. (And so, a new Image of myself was born....a happy old Crone who would dance, sing and just enjoy whatever life had to the very end! And beyond! And I honored that image as I named it.)

So...I had a Mandala. The 2 negative selves and the 2 positive selves made a kind of CROSS within a circle. And whenever I get the feelings of self-loathing, I remember the mandala and I honor each self and LOVE each self. And Integration happens.

Surprisingly, perhaps, one of the best ways to start healing the world is to love ourselves and have more compassion for ourselves. Being kind to ourselves changes things in the world more than we tend to believe is possible!

We also need to love our "shadow" side -- our pains, our fears, our traumas. Not in a way that feeds them and increases them, but breathing into them, creating space around them, and loving the part of our bodies that feels those things.

The Shadow Knows (insert eerie music here)

In the world outside ourselves, we can see the World Shadow rearing up and seeming to take over. We may want to scream and rage and fight -- understandable reactions -- but the most potent transformative response is to see the part of that Shadow that lives in us, and love ourselves through it.

After all, we ARE the society. As we ARE the world. Change ourselves, and the society/world can't help but be changed, if only a little bit.

And if a lot of us are changing en masse, the world is changed significantly!

The Shadow coming up in daylight can be pretty scary! But that's a crucial first step! When it's hidden in the dark of the subconscious, we can ignore it... we may not even know it even exists! Once it comes to light, and we can identify it, we can take steps to deal with it more effectively.

The Shadow points the way to our healing! (Let's try to remember this, as it continues to terrify us.) ;-)

Not wanting to see the Shadow, not wanting to deal with it... this is another version of "hitting the wall." We think it's outside of ourselves, and we just want to kill it.

And here's what we need to remember about that...

The "wall" we're hitting is actually ourselves -- the limitations of how far we are willing to grow; the line where we have defined "this is who-I-am; this is how-I-am, and I shouldn't have to change."

We get stuck in our ideas of how life is supposed to be and what we want and don't want. And the world around us starts poking at that rigid line, encouraging us to get more flexible... and to look deeper. To let go of the restrictions we've created for ourselves. And to bring love to the situation, and the other people involved, as well as ourselves.

--Erin Dragonsong

“There’s a dark side to each and every human soul. We wish we were Obi-Wan Kenobi and for the most part, we are. But there’s a little Darth Vader in all of us. Thing is this ain’t no either-or proposition. We’re talking about dialectics. The Good and the Bad merging into us. You can run but you can’t hide. My experience? Face the darkness. Stare it down. Own it. As Brother Nietzsche said, being human is a complicated gig. So give that ol’ dark night of the soul a hug. Howl the eternal YES.” (Chris Stevens, DJ, Northern Exposure)

"Shadow wants to be heard, simply that. But if it isn't, it turns nasty. It becomes a veritable demon, witch, or son-of-a-bitch, demanding its pound of very painful real time, not dreamtime.

Pay attention to your shadow. If you keep distancing yourself, saying "Heavens, it's not my fault!"---then heaven help you. Hell won't."

Katya Walter

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.

Hermann Hesse

There is so much wisdom in all you say and do....i also dislike my ageing self, the creaky joints / aches and pains, less stamina....falling asleep after a day of work !! That was never me !!

but i do the best i can to fend it off, and consciously feed the magical energy that can make a huge difference in every facet of our world !! 

I also keep pushing down my Ego, and i find that it helps. Paradoxically, i feel a lot younger after, and sometimes even get the looks i used to get lol....

well, everything i do IS my fault....i just have to make sure it's more good than bad lol...

thank you TW......i love reading what goes on in that beautiful soul of yours.

much love, addy

For so long I let the shadow try to cover the inner light followed by trying use the light to eradicate the dark places; neither accomplishing anything but making me more lost and miserable.

It wasn't until I hit rock bottom that I even considered the insanest of ideas, allowing them to work together rather than against each other. Amazing just how powerful they are together; angel and demon walking in peace together.

Hi Eta !!

You are extra special cuz not many people are able to face, recognize, and then reconcile, those two...

it's a wonderful thing, and thank you for being here with us....

love, addy <3

Perhaps that's why we are realize that the dark is as important as the light. Each is needed, for their own reasons. Woven together, they can create such beauty!

I think we're all here for our own spiritual evolution, and so yes...i think that reconciling our dark and light sides is a huge part of that.

woven together, they make one complete soul ...collecting the shards and making that beauty.

love, addy



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