Intl. Starseed Network
Reuniting Humanity With Their Divinity...It's Time
Work???
Ok. So i have been steady at my jobs for almost 2 years now, and basically I could feel inside of me that it is time to go. I can hold a job when I put my mind to it for as long as neccessary, BUT it takes so much energy!!!! to put up that front for everyone. To put on a nice face and be as regular as possible.
People always can tell there's something a little different about me, but I try so hard to be nice and work so hard that everyone just lets it go and kind of accepts me. My bosses always like me a lot. Coworkers... it takes time.
Eventually, after stuffing everything down for so long and pretending as much as humanly possible , I just don't see the point anymore. Something always happens, that basically tells everyone I'm notnormal and I don't belong there anymore. Usually I just start having a breakdown, that shows up gradually or all of a sudden, and it really throws people off.
Eventually it's all negative and everyone is like you are a freak, and whaddya know, another one bites the dust.
So I'm here again, at that point and tomorrow is my last day. I kind of gave them notice, telling her i needed time off a couple of different times and that i was about to quit. So here it is.
Bear with me: I was at work and this person always triggers me, like all the pain and rejection and devastating loss i've had just rises to the surface if she does certain things. I know why it happens but it still overwhelms me. At first people tried being nice about it, kind of. They didn't really understand. But yesterday it just came out like so much more, like a volcano finally erupted. And everyone was like "wow" we really hate you. You are "trash" worthless shit. and whatever else stuff they could throw around with eachother and blanket the situation. It was like they were tossing a football. And these are people who say they are my friends.
And inside , I've been down this road a million times. It's northing new. But no matter what I COULDN"T BE MEAN. I couldn't say one thing to them, not even to stand up for myself. It's like I can't allow it. Like I know it's their place to deal with something like that however they choose and all i can do is say i don't need this.
No matter how much i wanted to believe they were my friends, my spirit friend kept telling me they weren't and iwas foolish if i believed that. i just always want to believe people are better. but as much good as they can put out, they're still always the same. why do i always have to be so naive???????????
so maybe you guys have a hard time doing the regular work thing too, trying to fit in, but never quite achieving it. always having weird things happen that other people can't explain. like my other job where i had a huge psychic cloud over half the store and poeple were hearing each other's thoughts, and that job totally didn't last.;)
honestly it doesn't even matter, because they never feel right anyway. i just don't know why i always have to create drama. my emotional landscape has no apologies.
i'm sorry. i don't know if you guys even care. i feel so burnt out on everyone.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by perchople sea on -
i just wanted to know if any of you had similar experiences. :)
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Permalink Reply by Cat L on -
I sent you a friend request. I have basically just quit a job and reading your post it sounds almost exactly how I feel so maybe we can talk if you like....no pressure because I know how that is. I will take no offense if you don't wish to talk.
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Permalink Reply by Grant Ryan Konsmo on -
I am having the same type of thing at my job, I am currently in the process of finding a new job or a complete new way of living. This week it seams that people I work with are blaming me for their mistakes. I don't try and argue, I just hold my tongue and know that their mistakes are going to come back and haunt them and everyone will see it is not all my fault. This has happened before and I always come out on top. The person passing the blame almost always gets caught in their lie.
Lately the people at work have been calling me Grant the alien, it is like they secretly know the truth but can not face reality. I think this is the reason for the poor treatment.
I no longer want to waste my time working only to make someone else rich. My energy and talents need to be used for the betterment of mankind and the planet as a whole. Not so some rich, incompetent douche bag can afford an elevator for his cabin.
I can always get a new job but eventually I will end up feeling the same all dry and used up. I am sick of being a slave I want true freedom. I now feel like I am on the verge of changing everything about my life and becoming a completely different person. Same person on the inside but quit lying on the outside, become the true me, the person I was born to be. I am very sad and lonely even though I am married. I am excited about the epic journey I am about to embark on but am scared shitless because I journey alone into the black obeys of true freedom.
But I am not aloe, than there were 2. Thank you Lunagirl for this post it was exactly what I needed to read at exactly the right time.
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Permalink Reply by Ljerka Lela on -
I totally understand where you are all coming from. I dream of quitting my job in insurance and do something that is useful and fulfilling. Now matter how I try to maintain my vibration and my nerves it just gets the better of me. I feel like a slave of a system I don't really believe in and don't respect at all. I pray every day for new options and something that will put me on my path that involves my purpose here in these times. And the people we work with don't like when someone is different- rings a bell :) We are not allowed to be ourselves at the place we work and of course there are breaking points when you had enough and don't know how to cope. Love and light <3
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Permalink Reply by perchople sea on
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thank you guys. it was honestly a good place. and good people. i think they are just not used to someone breaking down and releasing everything. and sometimes my energy is so strong Everyone feels it. and it's so akward.
it is hard to work in places that are about profits and not true lightfilling helping the earth and the animals and humanity as a whole. money. i just kind of try not to think about it when i don't like something i see. i always feel like i should change it but i know it would just seem really weird and out of place and no one really cares that much and i just don't have that position. maybe that is a weakness. (smile)
i am honestly grateful for the gift it was, and god is telling me to move on. i really appreciate your feed back.
love and light :)
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Permalink Reply by perchople sea on
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ok.
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Permalink Reply by perchople sea on
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Grant Ryan Konsmo said:I can always get a new job but eventually I will end up feeling the same all dry and used up. I am sick of being a slave I want true freedom. I now feel like I am on the verge of changing everything about my life and becoming a completely different person. Same person on the inside but quit lying on the outside, become the true me, the person I was born to be. I am very sad and lonely even though I am married. I am excited about the epic journey I am about to embark on but am scared shitless because I journey alone into the black obeys of true freedom.
But I am not aloe, than there were 2. Thank you Lunagirl for this post it was exactly what I needed to read at exactly the right time.
wow. that is exactly how i feel. you took the words out of me. i am nervous and scared too. but i know god is (hopefully) giving me what i need right now.
thank you
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