What is there to say when words lack, when our heart cries.

When the closes people to us find us a burden

When they tell us not to bring that pain to them, to just leave.

How much loneliness can pain can a heart take before it breaks from sadness.

How much more tears are there from every memory that passes through my mind.

I try to reach out, it is cast away, seen as a bother.

Nothing is happening, just don’t think about it, it is all in your head.

Well isn’t that a brilliant idea… I didn’t know mental illness was in my head.

I just am tired of suffering on my own, day after day.

I know I am not good at sharing and I don’t talk about things easy.

But also when I do talk it is rarely heard and rarely supported.

Life has thought me to be this way, life has made my heart cold and my walls hard.

So many of us out there, yet when a need comes it is pushed away.

Not listened to, ignored, rediculed, laughed at, pushed away.

Or even better advises offered well meant not asked for,

because it is advice for them, not for the one hurting.

All that is often needed is a shoulder to cry on.

My heart is broken, not by the anxiety not by the fear.

It is broken by loneliness and harm by those who were closest to it.

My trust has been broken again, how often this has been I lost the count of it all.

Am I being negative? Yes I am. I have full right to be, I have lived a hard life.

I have the right to express that which is in my heart, which hurts me.

Life isn’t made if love and light only, your bed isn’t covered in roses.

The pain is real, the struggle is real. I am just about done with suffering silence.

If these words bother than may be one should rethink why this is.

If anything it is very healthy to express sadness and pain/

It is a part of healing to release through expression.

One doesn’t release it by imagining how lovely it should be.

This only surpasses your pain further down

It is released by allowing it to speak as it wishes to speak.

Allowing it to be itself, to be myself even if that self is in pain.

Thank you for your attention.

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I keep a blog and when I am lonely I post poems that fills that heart. I know what you mean by being lonely though and alone I struggled with this for 5 years before I found something that could fill that need for human contact. Your right it is good to express how you are feeling. Do you have support in your life, therapist etc? Here in my city we have a crisis line I often call them when I am having panic attacks even at 2 am theres always someone there to talk to. I've dealt with paranoia and fear I'm not sure if you are dealing with the same things but I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. There's a way out of it you can get better. I have I get better every day so do not lose hope.

I love alone and face loneliness daily. I have already healed and released all my pain. There's still a need to have people around me.

I'm Sorry, I Thank All That With Much Of Love,

Your honesty is humbling. You have my support through your healing process-- as a fellow traveler and a friend.

Issues are very complex for those of us whom still remember other lives where connections were much deeper at a soul level. We find this place quite superficial.. connections are just a few words.. and if you meet a person whom you can connect with at a deeper level often circumstance or fear of it being too good or wrong creep in, with it ending suddenly.

For me I do have memories good and bad of such a world.. and lifetimes.. and my sensitivity to connect in this world was heightened out of the need for self protection as it can be a dangerous place. Odd that such abilities are needed fro protection here rather than sharing.. why so many are just sleepers I guess.

With confusion about relationships and shallow connections of the internet (even this place can be very shallow) a lot of pain it can cause those who are looking for such connections and partially remembering such lives.

If what you need or seek is to be you will find it... maybe just for brief or fleeting moments of time.. all this crazy world seems to allow..

So I accept compatible close connections but just realize they more likely will be limited in length of time... as those that can connect have an inner fear it will be too good and the general mass consciousness here see such things as wrong, which inhibits the whole process.

For these connections to grow and develop you would have to create a physical community of like minded people.. a bubble of energy to protect. Yes referring to more empath and telepathic abilities.. often they go together with the telepathic one being the most scary to people. So in this shallow ME ME world it would be a major challenge to do..but who knows would be fun to try and make it happen...

About it for my morning rambling Dave

Thanks to all for the replies and kind words.

Sometimes words fail.

Let your feelings flow and please know that you are respected and loved from afar.

A desperate grasping at words for That which none can reveal...may indeed belie one who lacks conscious connection with the quiescence of Soul.

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