I'm going to try and explain.

There is nothing bad going on in my life. On the outside things are fine, almost boring. This doesn't reflect what's been going on inside me for the past few months, and I don't know what to do.

I have bad days and I have good days. On the good days, I am happy. I feel one with the Universe. I feel like an alien parading as a human and it makes me feel wonderful. I feel guided by joy and light. I smile freely. I feel like reaching a hand out to others. My mind is clear and everything sort of "clicks."

In February, I had no good days. I was constantly trying to distract myself from this sort of lurking depression inside of me. It felt like the background beat of a drum, because if you don't pay attention to it you can pretend you can't hear it, but this unhappiness with myself was always with me in everything I did. By the end of the month, things blew over and I realized how depressed I was, and I was filled with a strong resolve that I had to do something about it. I had to change.

On March 1st, I meditated for the first time in many, many months. It changed everything. The world opened up to me. I felt like my possibilities were infinite. Ever since then, I've been meditating either every day or every other day. I've had some really, really good days. Some were even fantastic.

But then a pattern started to emerge. I would have a few good days - often, those days involved meditation - followed by two or three bad days, which sometimes involved meditation, sometimes not. I'd feel on top of the world and then hit rock bottom in a few days.

But now there are more bad days than good days. I thought things would get better. I just sat down to meditate about an hour ago and I was really hoping it would bring me more balance. Closing my eyes, clearing my mind, I was suddenly filled with the urge to cry. I can't say why. I tried to concentrate on clearing my mind, and when I struggled with that, I imagined white light entering my body and filling my chakras. Everything was going fine until the light reached my heart chakra - as soon as it did, I felt a wave of emotion and wanted to burst into tears all over again. And I don't know why!

I asked for help. I don't know what to do anymore. Having these ups and downs is taking too much of a toll on me. If anyone has any insight into what is going on, please give me a shout.

Tags: emotions, energy, light, meditation, rollercoaster

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Awww, honey. I'm sorry you're going through pain, but it's a part of life. Suffering, on the other hand, isn't necessary for you to reach the culmination of what you're trying to achieve. It seems to me you have something blocking you from allowing yourself to heal your heart chakra. There is something buried there, and you have to release it in order to heal it. I strongly suggest in your meditation, going through a list of people who you have strong emotion toward, and forgive them for any pain you feel they have caused you. Ask them for forgiveness as well, in the event the feelings go both ways. And lastly, but most importantly, ask yourself for forgiveness for all the times you did not love yourself as well as you should have. This exercise will be cathartic...It WILL make you cry, but it will also help to clear that stagnant energy. Each and every person you see in your mind....Send them love, thank them for what they have taught you, and then release them. When you get to the part with yourself, pretend you are a small baby. Pick yourself up, embrace yourself, and tell yourself you love yourself and will always  be there to guide and protect yourself. (When you do this you are also communing with your Higher Self) 

I did this exercise some time ago, and boy was it emotional. I released a lot of pent up feelings I didn't even know I was holding on to, but once it was over I felt clearer. I was able to fill all my chakras with light, including my heart.  So, if you would like to try this, I would encourage you to do so. You have nothing to lose by giving yourself just a little more love today. Here is a mental hug. (SQUEEEEEZZZZZZZZZEEE!) Life is tough, but we're all in this together.

Blessings,

Selinde

Aah, I just posted a question on THE SAME issue. It is hard isn't it?... I also feel sadness/depression/emptiness although nothing negative or bad is going on in my life. I too have great days following meditation or days were I'm all to myself I feel rejuvenated and refreshed, then I go on about my days and get disconnected when interacting with people in general and fall into sadness and lack of purpose and am almost grieving so to speak and then the cycle starts over with meditation and extreme highs and gratitude only to fall back down. It makes me sad because I dont want meditation to become my crutch either you know... but beyond that I have gratitude and joy on some days which I'm sure you do too and immense burst of energy and then it pops. I also dont know what to do about this but now writing this I'm thinking are solar flares still going on? do you think that would affect our energies... or is this the ascension process? It's like my body is my vessel and my mind is the captain yet no one can communicate with each other and find that connection with each other!!

Many reasons can cause such "energy rollercoasters", but all of these can be seperated in 3 groups:

#1. Physical causes: sleeping quality, hormones (mps, menopause or gland dysfunctions), liver (and digestion), the food you eat, seasonal affective disorder, physical diseases...

#2. Intellectual & psychological: stress, emotions, mental diseases (Bipolar disorder, mood disorder etc.), lack of focus (due to too many distraction sources, too much infos to be proceed)...

#3 Astral & etheric: chakras (damaged, misaligned, poisoned, closed, scealed and/or inverted), energicaly drained (if you have someone who drain all your energy aka psy-vamp), not grounded (and to purge out your any vibes), lay-lines fluctuations (telluric energies), vibration fluctuations (by surrounding peoples, from within yourself if you evolve or devolve, from ghosts and etherical entities, from astral fights and/or when the veil betwin realms become thiner/thicker), maybe even from the energies you feed on or by the way you absorb them...

As you see, there's hundreads of things who can do that. You have to meditate and to focus on it, to try to found what's going on exactly... and to solve it if possible.

BTW i felt exactly the same thing too... i thought it was just me. I did'nt been able the found the source of this exhaustion, i temporarily fixed it by producing more energy than what i'm used to.

Hello< Nice to meet you. there is a meditaional that is offered here but its one that I use all the time when my aura is leaking. its the rainbow fountain. I usually sit at the base of a tree that I ask before hand if it will help heal me. then sit between its roots. feel your tailbone grow roots and tap into the big root of the tree its tap root. place your feet flat on the ground knees bent . Feel the roots grow from your toes and heels into the tap root as well and see and feel the energy in rainbowed colors flow into your tailbone and flow up your spine, when it hits your heart chakra and tears flow let them dont break your flow push it through to the throat. Crying is what you need to do to cleanse that , let it go. Then push it up to your crown chakra and See it burst foth from your crown in a rainbow fountain and puddle round your feet. Let the roots of your toes drink it up and flow back up your body. Hold this in a continuous loop until your finger tips grow numb. If you allow the numbness to creep up your arms you will have drawn too much energy and you will vomit even when you ground the energy. I find it best to not eat before hand because some times my regeneration needs more energy. This will balance your chakras and alighn your medians and flow patterns. I hope this helps. its just a slight deviation from the original but it is one I have used for over ten years. It really helps I promise. I would prescribe once a week until your aura is healed. Your prana is leaking and you have to stop the flow. 

i don't have a lot of insight. but i am very up and down too .outside you can't tell butlately it has been pouring over into my normal life and i can't explain to people why i am all of a sudden breaking down in front of them.

i think the heart chakra is where we store most of our emotions and especially our pain. maybe you just have a lot of something blocked or trying to express itself. it's probably overwhelming. maybe your soul or your path is trying to align itself and is still finding balance.

plus i think a lot of us absorb what goes on and there is a lot of negativity, etc. so you could be picking up and filtering some of that too.

it sounds like something happened or something wants you to know about something from your past life or this life or maybe just the separation of being not at home. and maybe it is a very intense part of you. idk.

i think exercising also helps...

ok. love and light !! <3

wow. :) awesome meditation.


 
Ruth Anna Brown said:

Hello< Nice to meet you. there is a meditaional that is offered here but its one that I use all the time when my aura is leaking. its the rainbow fountain. I usually sit at the base of a tree that I ask before hand if it will help heal me. then sit between its roots. feel your tailbone grow roots and tap into the big root of the tree its tap root. place your feet flat on the ground knees bent . Feel the roots grow from your toes and heels into the tap root as well and see and feel the energy in rainbowed colors flow into your tailbone and flow up your spine, when it hits your heart chakra and tears flow let them dont break your flow push it through to the throat. Crying is what you need to do to cleanse that , let it go. Then push it up to your crown chakra and See it burst foth from your crown in a rainbow fountain and puddle round your feet. Let the roots of your toes drink it up and flow back up your body. Hold this in a continuous loop until your finger tips grow numb. If you allow the numbness to creep up your arms you will have drawn too much energy and you will vomit even when you ground the energy. I find it best to not eat before hand because some times my regeneration needs more energy. This will balance your chakras and alighn your medians and flow patterns. I hope this helps. its just a slight deviation from the original but it is one I have used for over ten years. It really helps I promise. I would prescribe once a week until your aura is healed. Your prana is leaking and you have to stop the flow. 

Just let the emotions flow out of you. Crying is good. If you let go and cry then your bad days will begin to disappear because the depression you are feeling is probably related to some emotional trauma in your heart chakra.

Thanks Lunagirl! It happend actually quite by accident. It must have been my first year training as a priestess and I kept getting the colors wrong for the chakras and was so frustrated i wanted to pull my hair our and thought how can I relax and meditate when I couldnt figure the simplest color flow chart. then I looked at it one day in a book and I thought ok its a rainbow  maybe that will help me associate more to the chakra and median points as oppsed to which one is which If I saw a rainbow then I would hit every color that needed to be hit where it was along the spine and cranium. It all seemed so much easier and after abut a month of doing this My migraines were not as bad. I still get three or 4 a month but that is way less than it was and they last a shorter period of time than they were. So I kept on with the way I was doing the healing meditation. I figured out by trial and error about how much or how long you should hold the focus before I grew to the nauseous point of actually vomiting from too much.

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