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All this time since last year I have been purposefully keeping my vibration low to escape the awareness my higher vibration brings in. It was all subconscious at first but now I've figured it out. That's how bad I need to escape the stress that I am faced with when I become aware of the horrors I am told too and guided to transcend; it all feels like a catch 22. I can't seem to make any real progress anymore. The closer we all get to the end times and all these crazy changes, the more stressed I feel and the more I feel like I'm going insane. I feel like I constantly have to escape my reality and the only way I can do that is through lowering my vibration. It used to be me smoking weed everyday as an escape, and atleast then it was fun, but that's no longer an option so I've been forced to resort to these improvised games of an elusive nature that are quite honestly against my higher judgement and intuition; I must confess I feel trapped as hell. I haven't been doing anything related to my mission for over a month now, distracting myself through video games and netflix all day every day. I feel like I can't be around anyone because they don't understand the way I speak, they don't understand my way of communication as they seem defensive and look at me like I'm a freak or something. So instead of getting into a middle school esque power struggle I avoid practically everyone. I have a need to constantly be immersed in something, usually a video game like GTA V, Call Of Duty or netflix, if I'm not distracted I get really irritated and angry because I'm afraid of what starts to happen inside my awareness and being, (My awareness begins to reenter my consciousness). My ego is strong and evasive, I can't nail it down. I have tried to go off the last meditation I'm on; the klonopin thinking that might clear me up but that would literally be the match to the very short fuse at this point. 1mg a day for two years and it doesn't change my mind, not since the three months after I started taking it. My body does not cooperate with my spirit. I eat vegan, my teeth start decaying.I become constantly hungry because vegetables don't fill me up, I don't have enough money to fund all the added expense of the vegan foods I do like, the stress of life makes me give in to the cravings for all the bad food and habits. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm running out of time to get on the right track with the whole mission, something monumental is going to happen very soon and the precursors are already happening as everyone is aware. I'm an Arcturian and I know much and have learned a great deal since I started awakening at 17 over a year and a half ago. I have learned alot since the beginning, however I've been fundamentally; very stuck for over a year now. I try so hard to escape the idea that I'm escaping. It is a tragedy. I want to evolve right, I want to get it right but I can't do this alone, it's ironic because for the longest time I've tried to do it all by myself thinking It's better that way but it's just not possible. They say the dark night of the soul is something that happens for a few days or weeks sometimes. But honestly I've been going through it since the end of last year. There is alot I am grateful for, I want to make that very clear. I have learned many valuable lessons and I have experienced many situations that were essential on my path to ultimate spiritual fulfillment. However it seems I am rarely, if ever able to actuate these lessons into my life, as my ego and my fears keep me stuck. Does anyone have any advice? I am lost.

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Dear Carter,

Keep going.It sounds redundant and hard, but keep going. Sometimes our path is overcome by obstacles, that is because those are the obstacles we need to obliterate before moving on. Have faith, you came here for a reason, as did we all. You are never alone and you have already proven that by reaching out and asking for help.

A lot of what you have said here has resonated with me, so much so I felt as though my own voice was speaking these words. It has been a long and tiring journey, but the rewards are worth it. We all came here out of free will, to decide our own fates while helping this world, its our calling and our decision alone.That does not mean we are impervious to the thoughts and actions of others, in fact we are more sensitive to them. I have noticed that I consider myself before others, and that is a truly dangerous habit, and one that is hard to break. I have self sacrificed to the point of self destruction and pain. To get myself away from that pain, I have become distant from this world, forgetting it was my choice to come here. But I knew when I signed up for this mission that this would happen. We are all going through the same path of life a journey to our higher selves, all over again. The only thing is that some of us have been gifted with the higher understanding of the long game, the overall effect of our time here.

I too have felt like this world could not possibly understand me, I have received those same looks from friends, coworkers, and sometimes family. We absolutely baffle people, because we do not think like them and that is just fine. But when we are young it is hard to understand this concept, so we show our feelings to no avail or recognition.I "woke up" when I was seventeen, as well. I started to see things that others could not, blue dots, and flashes of light that were beyond natural. To my amazement I discovered that this was a phenomenon associated with "waking up". After I learned this, everything fell into place. I realized that in all my time escaping from this world through daydreams, imagining myself a protecter, adventurer, and hero, I had been remembering what I already was. This created a great sense of safety, love, and confidence I had not felt since early childhood. But nothing gold can stay, and since that initial step towards fully awakening, I have felt sadness, pain, and despair. I have felt misery, knowing that I could not return home, because my true home was millions of miles away in the heart of space. I have felt confusion in my remembering; not knowing the difference between past lives and not knowing the names of people who I feel great love for. I have felt frustration in this world's lack of communication about the depth of life; things I learned in other lifetimes as a child are considered outlandish and false, while lies that are sold as truths to this world destroy my spirit.

Yet there is a type of magic in this world, a feeling I have not been able to name. Something that continuously drags me back into Earth's reality. When this happens I question if I am a starseed. I start to think that this is all something made up, that it couldn't possibly be real, because if it was we would be so much more. But then I am reminded of what I am, of all the things I have accomplished as a human and a starseed. I was once here on earth, thousands of years ago, back when men walked with their so called "gods" in friendship; back when the earth was sacred to everyone and love was king. Today, we are lost, but tomorrow we may be found again. This is why we are here to bring back the love that used to be.

So all my love to you dear heart.
-Aer.

Wow! Thank you so much for sharing all of that! You are absolutely right, we did all choose to come here and be beacons of light, and anchors of Love, the obstacles are all lessons. I am really glad that some of what I said resonated with you, as most of what you said resonated with me. :) Also when you mentioned that we are bringing back what once was, really put things in perspective. There was indeed a fall in consciousness. A long time ago. I remember it sometimes and then realize it wasn't in this life. I get the past lives and the current confused quite a bit. Like you said it's like we are returning to the truth; Love. You wrote a very enlightening message. Thank you! :)

Love, Light, and Peace to you!
Namaste,
Carter K. :)

Trust in the power of love.
Make your life a sacred home where you understand the forces guiding you.
Find a motivation you can do while in the physical plane. Something which engages the love you feel in your heart for what ever you wish for.
Live in the moment. Be a beacon of light. Understand your worth as a soul, an eternal flame, a being of vitality. You are the greatest miracle.
Keep holding on to your beliefs. But let facts show you where you need to travel to find a way to be the source of all you have achieved and are achieving.
Let no goal deter you from what brings you passion. Let no sight overwhelm you from the change you bring and if things must be different, then that is what shall happen, in time.
You are not responsible for the state of affairs which weigh so heavily on your mind. You only are responsible for not being ignorant to how you think, feel and react accordingly to what ever force life brings your way and vice versa. There is no need to appologize for the awareness of what has not yet come to mind, for that is silly.
Be centered in the flow of awareness you direct. Leave all else up to the environment you choose to interact with and go from there.
There is no disaster, no hardship, no storm and no person alive which can do anything to break your spirit. Not now, not ever. Depression is a common side effect of feeling restless, alone and afraid. As confusion sets in, you feel lost because you don't know where to go. Come rest in the power of love, until you understand your place in the world as it adapts around you.
You are loved. I am here if you wish to talk. I hope this makes sense to you in some way.

Hi, this is where all the problems usually come from...the Shadow of the ego also called the emotional Pain Body. Here is some information on this and how to dissolve it. ... in the links below. This must be dissolved in order to fully align with our True Self..
The ego os OK...what we want to dissolve is the Shadow of the ego. We want to make friends with the ego and make it a part of the team instead of it running the show like it does now. The best way to do this is to make the ego feel safe. I told my ego...``it is all safe now and you are part of the team, I love you, I need you.``
If you say you want to kill the ego or that you hate it, then the ego will become stronger for it has fear...and it will play dirty tricks on you.

Dealing with people is not always easy...I´ve found that the best way is just to be friendly and then as I raise my vibrations, I also raise the vibrations of those around me. This way they never know it is coming from me and I have more privacy and avoid a lot of talk that people do not understand.

These links explain the SHADOW of the ego also called the emotional Pain Body and how to dissolve this ..

http://www.detoxifynow.com/et_pain_body.html

http://www.oprah.com/own-a-new-earth/awakening-exercise-dissolving-...

Let me add one more thing... It is normal to get a strong sense of alienation when going through this spiritual process. We feel like we don´t fit in anywhere and nobody understands us. Actually everyone on earth has this sense of alienation...it has been called the ´´human condition´´ and philosophers and artists have discussed this and many novels are based on this....even Karl Marx wrote a lot about alienation. I do feel it a lot stronger the past years and many others mention this...even the spiritual books say that the sense of ´´aloneness´´ gets stronger. We often feel this much stronger when we are with a lot of people, in a crowd or at a party.

I have found that when I feel it and see it for what it is then it is not painful and becomes a friend....gives me a sense of privacy. Also when we understand that everyone has this (this is why people watch so much TV and try so hard to fit in) then it gives me a deeper understanding and also gives me a sense of connectedness to the whole human race.
Good luck...go out and enjoy the life for joy is a good way to have fun and raise the vibes of the planet...

All this time since last year I have been purposefully keeping my vibration low to escape the awareness my higher vibration brings in.

I feel you, bruh. I've had the same issue. Problem is, the law of attraction has been showing me what it all brings with reckless abandon:

Be safe, bruh. It starts to affect the animals after a certain point.

Lol Thanks for that. :)

Thank you! I appreciate your insight. :)

Thank you! I'm gonna check those link out and see if I can detoxify my poison filled body. :)

P.S. If eating vegan isnt working and you want to go back to eating meat try a paleo diet or some low-sugar diet your body may not be getting what nutrients it needs from the diet you are on now. So do some research and experiment with what you like.
All the love - Aer

I have been thinking about the paleo diet for awhile now. I think I'm going to try it out, I've been putting it off for awhile! Thank you! :)



Carter Kangas said:

I have been thinking about the paleo diet for awhile now. I think I'm going to try it out, I've been putting it off for awhile! Thank you! :)

I've been thinking about going on it as well!

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