I Am...

Im helpless

Im worthless

Im worthy

Im fat

Im skinny

Im just right

Im beautiful

Im ugly

Im alright

Im wrong

Im right

Im undecided

Im dumb

Im smart

Im just average

Im a good lover

Im a fraud

Im relentless

Im sick

Im tired

Im healthy

Im good

Im bad

Im lost

Im Nowhere

wait

Im now here

Im present

Who and what am I?

I am who i say i am, I am what I feel I am, I am what i think I am, I am what i believe I am. In this moment and every moment.

I Am....

 

 

growing up was kinda tough 4 me. My fam was not taught how to love so they continually tried to down me thinking it would motivate me. I had to release alot of built up anger and self loathing. I believed i was worthless, no good, a demon and so on. when i came to my breaking point my choice was to let go of the past beliefs of myself or spiral down an eternal and internal hell. I came to realization that I could be anything i wanted.  Do anything I wanted. when i felt good about myself it was like i was a magnet attracting things i never woulda have thought i was able 2. I feel sometimes we need to take time out the day and look in the mirror and tell ourselves we are perfect the way we are. beautifull and created for a purpose. excuse my language but Fuck what anybody says that tells you otherwise. We are the beauty of Life

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Permalink Reply by freespiritmix on September 20, 2011 at 2:03pm

thank you and Much love to you Ain

Permalink Reply by Ciffian Renavai on September 20, 2011 at 3:52pm

Very inspiring. Thank you.

 

 

Permalink Reply by Nat A.K.A. SoulFlame on September 20, 2011 at 5:07pm

Mmm, do I understand this whole friggin thing.  Still I say fuck what people think, and then I see myself giving a shit about what people think, and then I like flog myself to near death, and then realized, "well THAT'S not helping shit is it?" It's a friggin process none-the-less, and we all are at our own level of awareness...doesn't mean we're greater or lesser, just means it's where we are at.  Thanks for sharing this, I loved it.

Permalink Reply by SHESH the Ice Cream DRAGON on September 21, 2011 at 9:41am

My brotha not only in color but truly in spirit i have come from the same place as you. I have experienced mental, emotional and, physical abuse. I have been betrayed , lied to, lied about.Slandered, ridiculed, beat and made fun of and misunderstood. I have hated, suffer from anger and have desired revenge not only on those that i felt have hurt me but on a entire world that i feel might hurt me. How foolish and egotistical and blind i have been. These experiences were not for my undoing but for my growth in spirit and in truth. Truly the greatest pain i have experienced is in hurting others through thought, word and deed.I thought that in exacting my silly revenge i would feel better but it only served to blind me to the light inside me and all else. I laugh at such things now. I laugh because i see how utterly stupid i have been in hurting others and wanting to be feared which to me equaled respect. I developed a mean streak to keep others at bay and away from me. From my choice to hate i became filled with rage and self-loathing and self-hate and seflishness and self-doubt. I have done things that made me hate myself and see this beautiful and powerful and wonderful being that i am as a monster lol.LMAO! It was all bullshit all along. I told myself that i hate people when i really love everyone. Hahaha none of things that have happened to me and none of the things i have done served no purpose except to bring me back to my true and highest self. So then those things were needed to help me evolve into who i am and who ive always been...LOVE. Love is who we all are. From human to non human alike we all are Love for there is nothing but Love and anything that does not stem from Love is illusion. Hate, anger. and fear stem not from Love from the forgetfullness(illusion) of Love. When we forget Love we forget ourselves and each other and become stuck in the illusion of pain and fear and stupidity. Its stupid to recognize yourself as anything but Love and the peace, joy and happiness that comes with that recognition. My brother-spirit You are Love and nothing but Love and thats all you can and ever will be but you can pretend to be something else if you like but then again, what for? It is far more satisfying to be what you have always been and once again i repeat Love.I too have come from a family who does not know how to love but then again when i look around at the world i see that there are many who dont know how to love either. Truly our family is more than the group of people we were born into our family is ALL.All forms of life be they material or spiritual is our family and there are many in our family who have forgotten Love. No worries though. Pretyy  soon ALL OF US will remember sooner or later. Its inevitable. Namaste.....and pastaye. (smiles mischievously) i dare ya to ask me what that means. come on i dare ya lol!.

 

Permalink Reply by freespiritmix on September 21, 2011 at 11:45am

damn thats word. i feel that! whats pastaye? u know i gotta know

SHESH said:

My brotha not only in color but truly in spirit i have come from the same place as you. I have experienced mental, emotional and, physical abuse. I have been betrayed , lied to, lied about.Slandered, ridiculed, beat and made fun of and misunderstood. I have hated, suffer from anger and have desired revenge not only on those that i felt have hurt me but on a entire world that i feel might hurt me. How foolish and egotistical and blind i have been. These experiences were not for my undoing but for my growth in spirit and in truth. Truly the greatest pain i have experienced is in hurting others through thought, word and deed.I thought that in exacting my silly revenge i would feel better but it only served to blind me to the light inside me and all else. I laugh at such things now. I laugh because i see how utterly stupid i have been in hurting others and wanting to be feared which to me equaled respect. I developed a mean streak to keep others at bay and away from me. From my choice to hate i became filled with rage and self-loathing and self-hate and seflishness and self-doubt. I have done things that made me hate myself and see this beautiful and powerful and wonderful being that i am as a monster lol.LMAO! It was all bullshit all along. I told myself that i hate people when i really love everyone. Hahaha none of things that have happened to me and none of the things i have done served no purpose except to bring me back to my true and highest self. So then those things were needed to help me evolve into who i am and who ive always been...LOVE. Love is who we all are. From human to non human alike we all are Love for there is nothing but Love and anything that does not stem from Love is illusion. Hate, anger. and fear stem not from Love from the forgetfullness(illusion) of Love. When we forget Love we forget ourselves and each other and become stuck in the illusion of pain and fear and stupidity. Its stupid to recognize yourself as anything but Love and the peace, joy and happiness that comes with that recognition. My brother-spirit You are Love and nothing but Love and thats all you can and ever will be but you can pretend to be something else if you like but then again, what for? It is far more satisfying to be what you have always been and once again i repeat Love.I too have come from a family who does not know how to love but then again when i look around at the world i see that there are many who dont know how to love either. Truly our family is more than the group of people we were born into our family is ALL.All forms of life be they material or spiritual is our family and there are many in our family who have forgotten Love. No worries though. Pretyy  soon ALL OF US will remember sooner or later. Its inevitable. Namaste.....and pastaye. (smiles mischievously) i dare ya to ask me what that means. come on i dare ya lol!.

 

Permalink Reply by freespiritmix on September 21, 2011 at 11:46am

8)

Nat A.K.A. SoulFlame said:

Mmm, do I understand this whole friggin thing.  Still I say fuck what people think, and then I see myself giving a shit about what people think, and then I like flog myself to near death, and then realized, "well THAT'S not helping shit is it?" It's a friggin process none-the-less, and we all are at our own level of awareness...doesn't mean we're greater or lesser, just means it's where we are at.  Thanks for sharing this, I loved it.

Permalink Reply by freespiritmix on September 21, 2011 at 11:47am


8)
Ksenia said:

Thank you!!!)))

Permalink Reply by SHESH the Ice Cream DRAGON on September 22, 2011 at 7:52pm

hahahahaha boy you just opened up a can of worms...or spaghetti lol. wanna know what pastaye means? so be it! i shall tell you. pastaye is pronounced pa-sta-yay. now hold out your hand. heres a meat ball(splat) heres some marinara sauce (splat) heres some noodles (splat) now rub your face in it, run around in circles three times, jump up and down and yell PASTA!!! YAAAAY!!! rofl. hey its corny as hell but you fell for it lol hahaha! peace.

freespiritmix said:

damn thats word. i feel that! whats pastaye? u know i gotta know

SHESH said:

My brotha not only in color but truly in spirit i have come from the same place as you. I have experienced mental, emotional and, physical abuse. I have been betrayed , lied to, lied about.Slandered, ridiculed, beat and made fun of and misunderstood. I have hated, suffer from anger and have desired revenge not only on those that i felt have hurt me but on a entire world that i feel might hurt me. How foolish and egotistical and blind i have been. These experiences were not for my undoing but for my growth in spirit and in truth. Truly the greatest pain i have experienced is in hurting others through thought, word and deed.I thought that in exacting my silly revenge i would feel better but it only served to blind me to the light inside me and all else. I laugh at such things now. I laugh because i see how utterly stupid i have been in hurting others and wanting to be feared which to me equaled respect. I developed a mean streak to keep others at bay and away from me. From my choice to hate i became filled with rage and self-loathing and self-hate and seflishness and self-doubt. I have done things that made me hate myself and see this beautiful and powerful and wonderful being that i am as a monster lol.LMAO! It was all bullshit all along. I told myself that i hate people when i really love everyone. Hahaha none of things that have happened to me and none of the things i have done served no purpose except to bring me back to my true and highest self. So then those things were needed to help me evolve into who i am and who ive always been...LOVE. Love is who we all are. From human to non human alike we all are Love for there is nothing but Love and anything that does not stem from Love is illusion. Hate, anger. and fear stem not from Love from the forgetfullness(illusion) of Love. When we forget Love we forget ourselves and each other and become stuck in the illusion of pain and fear and stupidity. Its stupid to recognize yourself as anything but Love and the peace, joy and happiness that comes with that recognition. My brother-spirit You are Love and nothing but Love and thats all you can and ever will be but you can pretend to be something else if you like but then again, what for? It is far more satisfying to be what you have always been and once again i repeat Love.I too have come from a family who does not know how to love but then again when i look around at the world i see that there are many who dont know how to love either. Truly our family is more than the group of people we were born into our family is ALL.All forms of life be they material or spiritual is our family and there are many in our family who have forgotten Love. No worries though. Pretyy  soon ALL OF US will remember sooner or later. Its inevitable. Namaste.....and pastaye. (smiles mischievously) i dare ya to ask me what that means. come on i dare ya lol!.

 

Permalink Reply by freespiritmix on September 23, 2011 at 1:08am

haha you a trip. my mom taped me as a child dead tired fell asleep face first in my spaggetti. u got me

SHESH said:

hahahahaha boy you just opened up a can of worms...or spaghetti lol. wanna know what pastaye means? so be it! i shall tell you. pastaye is pronounced pa-sta-yay. now hold out your hand. heres a meat ball(splat) heres some marinara sauce (splat) heres some noodles (splat) now rub your face in it, run around in circles three times, jump up and down and yell PASTA!!! YAAAAY!!! rofl. hey its corny as hell but you fell for it lol hahaha! peace.

freespiritmix said:

damn thats word. i feel that! whats pastaye? u know i gotta know

SHESH said:

My brotha not only in color but truly in spirit i have come from the same place as you. I have experienced mental, emotional and, physical abuse. I have been betrayed , lied to, lied about.Slandered, ridiculed, beat and made fun of and misunderstood. I have hated, suffer from anger and have desired revenge not only on those that i felt have hurt me but on a entire world that i feel might hurt me. How foolish and egotistical and blind i have been. These experiences were not for my undoing but for my growth in spirit and in truth. Truly the greatest pain i have experienced is in hurting others through thought, word and deed.I thought that in exacting my silly revenge i would feel better but it only served to blind me to the light inside me and all else. I laugh at such things now. I laugh because i see how utterly stupid i have been in hurting others and wanting to be feared which to me equaled respect. I developed a mean streak to keep others at bay and away from me. From my choice to hate i became filled with rage and self-loathing and self-hate and seflishness and self-doubt. I have done things that made me hate myself and see this beautiful and powerful and wonderful being that i am as a monster lol.LMAO! It was all bullshit all along. I told myself that i hate people when i really love everyone. Hahaha none of things that have happened to me and none of the things i have done served no purpose except to bring me back to my true and highest self. So then those things were needed to help me evolve into who i am and who ive always been...LOVE. Love is who we all are. From human to non human alike we all are Love for there is nothing but Love and anything that does not stem from Love is illusion. Hate, anger. and fear stem not from Love from the forgetfullness(illusion) of Love. When we forget Love we forget ourselves and each other and become stuck in the illusion of pain and fear and stupidity. Its stupid to recognize yourself as anything but Love and the peace, joy and happiness that comes with that recognition. My brother-spirit You are Love and nothing but Love and thats all you can and ever will be but you can pretend to be something else if you like but then again, what for? It is far more satisfying to be what you have always been and once again i repeat Love.I too have come from a family who does not know how to love but then again when i look around at the world i see that there are many who dont know how to love either. Truly our family is more than the group of people we were born into our family is ALL.All forms of life be they material or spiritual is our family and there are many in our family who have forgotten Love. No worries though. Pretyy  soon ALL OF US will remember sooner or later. Its inevitable. Namaste.....and pastaye. (smiles mischievously) i dare ya to ask me what that means. come on i dare ya lol!.

 

Permalink Reply by Evebailey232 on September 23, 2011 at 3:43am

sorry but this made me laugh my ass off hahaha, : jump up and down and yell PASTA, YAAAY, will do that next time my mother or bro made pasta ;) :P

SHESH said:

hahahahaha boy you just opened up a can of worms...or spaghetti lol. wanna know what pastaye means? so be it! i shall tell you. pastaye is pronounced pa-sta-yay. now hold out your hand. heres a meat ball(splat) heres some marinara sauce (splat) heres some noodles (splat) now rub your face in it, run around in circles three times, jump up and down and yell PASTA!!! YAAAAY!!! rofl. hey its corny as hell but you fell for it lol hahaha! peace.

freespiritmix said:

damn thats word. i feel that! whats pastaye? u know i gotta know

SHESH said:

My brotha not only in color but truly in spirit i have come from the same place as you. I have experienced mental, emotional and, physical abuse. I have been betrayed , lied to, lied about.Slandered, ridiculed, beat and made fun of and misunderstood. I have hated, suffer from anger and have desired revenge not only on those that i felt have hurt me but on a entire world that i feel might hurt me. How foolish and egotistical and blind i have been. These experiences were not for my undoing but for my growth in spirit and in truth. Truly the greatest pain i have experienced is in hurting others through thought, word and deed.I thought that in exacting my silly revenge i would feel better but it only served to blind me to the light inside me and all else. I laugh at such things now. I laugh because i see how utterly stupid i have been in hurting others and wanting to be feared which to me equaled respect. I developed a mean streak to keep others at bay and away from me. From my choice to hate i became filled with rage and self-loathing and self-hate and seflishness and self-doubt. I have done things that made me hate myself and see this beautiful and powerful and wonderful being that i am as a monster lol.LMAO! It was all bullshit all along. I told myself that i hate people when i really love everyone. Hahaha none of things that have happened to me and none of the things i have done served no purpose except to bring me back to my true and highest self. So then those things were needed to help me evolve into who i am and who ive always been...LOVE. Love is who we all are. From human to non human alike we all are Love for there is nothing but Love and anything that does not stem from Love is illusion. Hate, anger. and fear stem not from Love from the forgetfullness(illusion) of Love. When we forget Love we forget ourselves and each other and become stuck in the illusion of pain and fear and stupidity. Its stupid to recognize yourself as anything but Love and the peace, joy and happiness that comes with that recognition. My brother-spirit You are Love and nothing but Love and thats all you can and ever will be but you can pretend to be something else if you like but then again, what for? It is far more satisfying to be what you have always been and once again i repeat Love.I too have come from a family who does not know how to love but then again when i look around at the world i see that there are many who dont know how to love either. Truly our family is more than the group of people we were born into our family is ALL.All forms of life be they material or spiritual is our family and there are many in our family who have forgotten Love. No worries though. Pretyy  soon ALL OF US will remember sooner or later. Its inevitable. Namaste.....and pastaye. (smiles mischievously) i dare ya to ask me what that means. come on i dare ya lol!.

 

Permalink Reply by SHESH the Ice Cream DRAGON on September 24, 2011 at 8:22pm

eve i dare you to do it too lmao. tell me how it goes lol. thats gonna be funny as hell.

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