I wanted to rant about something....I wrote it in my journal,but I feel comfortable enough on here to talk about it.And I also wanted to post it here to get opinions.....here goes....I have a friend(the same one who tried to read my thoughts) and she's married,and she brought up the subject again about the fact that my boyfriend and I are not married.I don't want to go into details,but my boyfriend and I have known each other for 16 years now and not only is he my lover,but my best friend.He recently went through a horrible divorce,and doesn't want to get married again.I understand that,and am totally fine with that.I feel that we don't have to be married to want to spend our lives with each other....but I feel like she thinks that the whole freakin world should be married.I'm definitely NOT anti-marriage...I think marriage can be a wonderful thing if you enter into it for the right reasons and if BOTH people decide that's what they want.But that's not what my boyfriend or myself want(and besides,I don't think I
put marriage on my life plan when I came here).I've told her before "if Steve and I decide to get married,we will.If we don't,we don't." Steve and I are both happy the way things are between us.Next time she brings it up,I'm just going to ignore it.Thanks for reading my rant :)
Namaste to you all :)
I think it's great that you feel comfortable enough to post your thoughts here. Have you told her these things as explicitly as you wrote them in this forum? If not, you would be well within your rights to say these things. If you have and she persists in questioning your relationship, I have to think this isn't a person I, personally, would want to spend time and energy on.
I'm one of those people who doesn't like conflict,however I told her nicely to drop the subject earlier today.So we'll
see if she actually does.If she continues nosing in to my life and my thoughts,I will end the friendship.
Yeah,she does her own thing and I don't question her about stuff,so I guess I don't understand why she questions me.
I've only known her for 4 years now,but maybe she does think it's okay to nose into my business.I have set up boundaries with her,and have told her this stuff is NOT okay.If she continues to do this stuff,I WILL end the friendship.
I'd ask her why she thinks you should get married......she'll give you some ridiculous answer and you can laught at it, because there is no way she can't give you a laughable answer. I feel deep down we as free souls know that having beliefs that place judgements on others, eg. "you should get married" and the like ARE ridiculous, and in order for them to feel secure in these beliefs they have to have everyone else around them do as they do.....or it puts the lie to these beliefs of the "norms of society." I mean....whats the difference? you're together....right? My girlfriend and I rock the same way you do.....nothing against marriage......just don't see a need for it. For me it's just a real expensive way to say what we already feel and know, "I love you and we are together" Ha!! Some humans are crazy to me.
Well,she seems to think that marriage provides some sort of "security".....and she is married for the second time now!
But I agree with you David,all that matters is being together with the one you love.I will ask her why she thinks I should get married,and I'm sure she'll give me a laughable answer...yeah some humans are crazy......
Okay---let me provide another perspective. And I'm ignoring the social implications of marriage entirely in the following argument, so bear with me.
If "security" to her means preventing her spouse from straying, then that is, indeed, laughable. However, legally recognized marriage DOES provide some amount of security. YOU are the next of kin as recognized by your government. YOU are able to make medical and financial decisions for your spouse. In the event of your spouse's death, his/her property can automatically pass to you. If your partner is hospitalized, you can visit him/her. You can adopt/foster children. Some people may benefit with lower taxes. Your spouse's health insurance may also offer you coverage. The list of "securities" afford by legal marriage is quite lengthy.
Yes, some of these benefits are available in some parts of the world if you're not legally married, but most are not. Yes, you can accomplish some of this through a lot of legal wrangling (wills, powers of attorney, etc.), but you have no guarantee that a family won't contest those things at a later date and, at best, cause a lot of grief for you or your spouse.
And maybe these things don't seem important to you now, but for those of us who are not legally allowed to marry the people we view as our spouses, they are crucial. It's pretty easy to take a right for granted until it's suddenly a right you don't have.
I wasn't suggesting Sunshine engage anyone any further. In fact, I suggested earlier in this conversation that, if the woman continued to criticize Sunshine's life choices, she would perhaps be better off as a non-friend. The conversation has, since then, wandered a bit more to the pointlessness of marriage, wherein I pointed out that it wasn't exactly without its practicalities.
My opinions aren't set in stone, and I find it helpful to try to see things from another person's perspective. So, while my initial thoughts are that she should wash her hands of the situation, I can also easily see the situation from someone else's point of view.
I know that marriage does provide some securities(such as you mentioned),but she keeps pushing me about it,and that's what is annoying.I have told her kindly before "if Steve and I decide to get married,you'll be the
first to know",but I think if she brings it up again,I'm going to end the friendship.And about those of you who cannot legally marry I feel if you want to get married,you should be able to do so.Like I said before,I am definitely not anti-marriage,but I'm not going to give in to what society or my so-called friends THINK I should do with MY life.I truly appreciate all of the input that everyone has given me.Posting this has helped me get rid of the anger that I had for this situation....and holding on to that emotion is not good for my health.Thanks to the support I've gotten on here and extra time in meditation,I have released my anger and feel alot better.And I keep praying for those like you Laura that cannot legally marry....I hope someday soon that you can if you want to :)
i think that your friend is trying to minimize her insecurity in her own self and marraige by projecting it onto you, so she feels that her marraige is more permanent. pehaps she wishes to be closer spiritually to her husband, and is in denial about how to acheive this. I say help her with her own spiritual path, and all things will be added unto you both
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